I received one of the most heartbreaking phone calls today. Anthony’s sister Kristina told me he died in a car accident, he was heading home this morning at 3 from work and a drunk driver hit his bmw and it rolled and caught on fire. Anthony died before anyone could get to him. I cried and cried, I hoped it was a joke, a way to get back at me for april fools. But it wasnt the love of my life is gone and I’m left with a few photos and memories. But I’d trade it all for him to be alive and well. I feel so empty, so bitter, so dead. I know it may sound foolish because I’m still young, but I have loved this boy for 6 years going on 7. That is no foolish relationship, we were in love. He treated me right, I always wondered how it was that I deserved him. Anthony was my best friend, my lover, my boyfriend, my motivator, my rock, my inspiration, my everything. And no one can every replace him. I feel like no one will EVER understand it, its more than words can express. He made me feel worthy, he made me feel special and important and happy and loved. I keep listening to our songs, I keep looking at our pictures, I keep thinking why. I want to cry and cry and cry. I feel like Chris Perez did when he found out Selena died, but 193821093x worse. And to think that was OUR favorite movie, well one of them. You loved watching those romantic movies with me. Its like you were all I ever knew, and now I feel just lost. But I promise to do everything I promised you, I promise to stay strong, to stay positive, to have faith, to never quit, to work hard in school, and everything else. But I’m also promising to never love anything like I loved you, I promise to take care of your family and little marky and kristina. I promise to talk to you every morning, I promise to keep you in my heart forever. You’ve got that smile that only heaven can make, I pray to god everyday that you keep that smile

I can’t keep living this way and expect for things to change automatically, hard work and dedication and progress! I need to defff work harder and push myself so the good becomes consistent and ill be less likely to fall back to old habits.